Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy
November 30th, 2011 | 
Author: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy
Every parent would happily give up ever scolding, punishing or threatening if she only knew how to ensure that her toddler/child/teen would thrive and act responsibly without such painful measures. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is the answer to this universal wish. It is not about gentle ways to control a child, but about a way of being and of understanding a child so she/he can be the best of herself, not because she fears you or seeks your approval but because she wants to, of her own free will. Aldort’s guidance takes the struggle out of parenting. The book is full of real life stories, often leaving the reader moved to tears or laughter and relieved to discover that there is a kinder way. The SALVE communication formula has been praised for providing a hybrid of The Work of Byron Katie and Nonviolent Communication. It gives parents the tools to move beyond their initial unproductive reaction, to a response that is connecting and empowering to the child and to themselves.
The Ph.D. by the author’s name in this book is an error. Naomi Aldort has no degree in psychology. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is a parenting self-help book with ideas developed by the author based on her own studies and experience. The error will be corrected in future printinngs of the book.
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Tags: Children., freedom, From, Ourselves, parentchild, power, Raising, Reaction, Relationships, Struggle, Transforming
3 Responses to “Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy”
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This book solved my problems with my difficult child,
I have a young child who tends to get very aggressive when trying to tell me that his needs aren’t being met. Until recently, he never listened to anything I asked of him. I was at my wits end. I’d tried everything. Things only got worse.
Then I found the answer that unlocked the mystery behind my child’s behavior in Aldort’s book, “Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.” It changed my relationship with my son the day I started following her recommendations. As I learned from the book (verified by my experience) it won’t do any good to punish a child’s behavior; it fact, it will only make it worse. There’s an underlying reason for his behavior, and until I address it in an understanding and kind way, it will continue. Now I understand why he was acting the way he was and, more importantly, how I was causing it without even knowing it. Once I understood him, I could concentrate on solving the larger problem rather than correcting (punishing) the behavior.
Ever since I changed the way I interact with and speak to my child (according to Aldort’s recommendations), my relationship with him has been transformed and, no surprise, he hasn’t been aggressive at all. The book has given me tools of love and connection in all areas of parenting. I can’t recommend this book highly enough. Buy one for yourself and one for all of your friends.
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|Our world needs this book – QUICK!,
I agree with most of the 5-star reviews here. This is the best parenting book I’ve found – a great leap from the many modern parenting books out there. In fact, I’d say it is the only parenting book you will ever need! Like another reviewer, I am ordering many copies and actively distributing to all the parents I know.
Finally, a book that spells out with crystal clarity that yes, you can respect and trust your children fully, and love them unconditionally, without any “ifs” and “buts”.
Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves provides the tools for being always kind and loving in our day-to-day interactions with our children, and illustrates the guidance via eloquent real-life examples. These tools are easy to remember and put to practice, and they actually work. This book has transformed my relationship with my 10-month old, giving me permission to fully love her the way I always felt – without holding back ANYTHING! Quite a liberating shift. The guidance carries all the way from infancy through the teen years, and I am so grateful that I stumbled upon it while she is still little!
The transformative effect of the book goes way beyond parenting, as both the title, and the subtitle proposed by James Prescott on the cover (‘Saving the emotional lives of our children and the future of humanity’), suggest. It lays out a readily available path to self-healing and self-realization through our relationship with our children (as well as with other people): simply by starting to examine how we respond to others a little more closely. Imho, this is one of the most important books ever written, period.
I have a wish. I grew up in Europe (France) and, really, I CANNOT WAIT to see the book available there as well, in other languages, and start infusing its wisdom and compassion overseas. Any publisher out there interested in making a difference? Call Naomi today, you’ll do yourself and the world a favor. Our world needs this book. QUICK!
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|nice insight, but a bit lousy,
Although I like Naomi Aldort’s approach and techniques , I think that this book is not for everyone.
I agree that most parents should let go of their will of control over their children’s behavior, and try to connect with them more on an emotional level. I also agree that bribes, punishments, time-outs and such methods are best avoided and do not work in the long run ( with my 3 y old they never worked even as short-term solutions).
But since parents are in charge, they sometimes need to take action in a firm and loving way. This book does NOT provide tools to figure out this proper way to deal with everyday issues.
It just points vaguely to the need to provide a strong leadership.
Perhaps for some enlightened people, like Naomi actually appears to be, there is no need for further explanation. Most parents would appreciate it though, including myself, who have always been a wishy-washy kind of parent.
Furthermore, I find Aldort’s style a bit lousy and not very empathetic towards parents, despite her best intentions. While reading, I often found myself thinking ” Gee, I’d really like to be like her” . But I’m not. So what?
Her approach stems out of her unique way to be an exceptionally nurturing, loving person rather than being a technique that everyone can learn ad apply.
It must be said that the books offers a very important tool with the S.A.L.V.E. technique which helps the parent to accept children the way they are, and validate their feelings. This is the most valuable part.
I have found a similar, yet much more useful and powerful approach in “Playful Parenting” by dr.L Cohen. “Playful Parenting” is a very nice book that helps you reconnecting with children and meeting their needs without giving up 100% on cooperation ( While I agree that power struggles are best avoided, Aldort seems to consider the parental wish of kid cooperation just a sneaky form of control, and gives the parent full responsibility in cleaning up after children).
Another thing I do not like about this book is that it treats children like little adults. Aldort condemns praise and expectations, but after trying the “praise avoidance” for a couple of months, I have realized that my daughter actually needs and craves my approval and my cheers. I think we all need some praise from close people who loves us and which we love. Maybe there are some people (m including Naomi) who are so grounded and self-confident not to need praise anymore, what can I say? I’m not amongst them.
I recommend this book to already “good” and balanced parents who want to fine-tune their skills. I would also recommend it to parents that have shy, introverted children. Anyone can give it a read, but most parents will not be ready to go for Naomi’s method without some additional skills to help them “offer guidance” to the children going completely wild! This is especially true for parents of strong-willed little people, who will benefit from coupling this book with another book focusing on EFFECTIVE parenting skills and tips.
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